On Karma & Conflict
In this article:
What is Karma?
Its Role in our Experience and Relationships
Making Improvements
What Is Karma?
My understanding of karma has evolved over the years. When I was young I thought it was a mysterious force of justice that punished bad people and rewarded good people, akin to hell and heaven. But I also knew it was less straightforward than that which piqued my interest.
It wasn’t until I started practicing more Zen and doing therapy (formally or informally) that I began to see it differently. Karma, as I see it now, is primarily a word that captures the thinking and feeling/emotional patterns that arise in us on their own. These patterns blossom into existence. They’re based on habit and past conditioning, as well as our biology and genetics.
Let’s be precise about what we mean by thinking and feeling/emotional patterns. Let’s use anger as an example. Anger isn’t just an emotion but a way of thinking and processing information. Anger looks at things a certain way: e.g., black and white, severe, punitive, with frustration). It’s also associated with certain body-feelings: unconscious tensions and knots that can occasionally become conscious (my shoulders are so stressed). Anger is also associated with certain behavioral tendencies, such as slamming things, shouting, using more aggressive language, and frowning.
Other common patterns include: self-victimization, chronic worrying, dominating others, excluding others, excluding one’s self, and their endless combinations. Not all patterns are conflict-inducing. Some patterns can be helpful, some playful, some intellectual. But we’re going to focus on the patterns that result in suffering.
In truth, these things aren’t happening separately. They blossom together and dominate the body, mind, and color our view of the world. Everything becomes filtered through the anger lens. For this reason it might be more accurate to think of karma as the animating energy behind the mental, behavioral, and body-feeling patterns. Energy is an intentionally fuzzy word because the thing we’re talking about doesn’t fall neatly into our vernacular.
One of the most deceptive aspects of karma is that when it’s activated, you never know it. You just begin to see things and respond to things differently, and you think the reason you’re reacting that way is because the world is causing those things. It’s not me who’s angry, it’s people pissing me off. It’s not me who’s become untrusting, it’s my friends who are probably talking behind my back. By doing this the habitual energy patterns sustain themselves and avoid detection. They begin twisting and distorting reality.
The Effects
On Others, Situations
If the anger is short-lived, it’s not a big deal. But often times the anger swells into an entire style of being that interferes with our life and colors our entire view of the world. When we’re angry, people start pissing us off, and we start picking fights with people. We distort the world to harmonize with the anger energy. When we’re fearful, we collect things that reinforce our fear (news story, stories of illness and tragedy) and we twist things to make them unsafe. It’s not materially different from delusional psychosis which can also be anger-based or fear-based (paranoia), just different in magnitude and duration.
On the Self
This energy which is a component of the more encompassing term “karma” can not only distort the way you see the world, but it can also distort the way you see yourself. Strict, judgmental thinking that’s common with anger and perfectionism can turn into self-judgement frustration, and self-rejection which can further lead to isolation and more negative thinking and energy. Other energies can lead to distortions of self that cast the self as the victim, unwanted, unloved, and unworthy of love. These are all distortions caused by thinking and feeling-patterns.
On Outcomes
Energies and their thinking-feeling-behavioral response patterns can also affect outcomes. If you consistently see the world in the same way, e.g., people dislike me, people aren’t trustworthy, people are disappointing, people are frustrating, life is frustrating, then you tend to have consistent situations arise with consistent outcomes. When you reflect on the situations that abound in your life and find themes, especially in your relationships with others, it’s likely that these themes are byproducts of your karmic patterns.
This is also where the more mysterious workings of karma may come in. These energies not only produce outcomes in expected ways, but maybe in unexpected ways too. I don’t feel qualified to go into it, but here’s where it would fit in.
Dealing With Your Karmic Habits
So how do we deal with our karma? Well, the truth is we all have to just work on it. Meditation or a related practice will help smooth out your energy and make it less reactive. After you’ve meditated for example, the things that usually make you frustrated or fearful or sad have less power over you. Your body and mind are less sensitive.
But your karmic patterns will sneak up on you and work their way into your perception so you don’t know that they’re operating. Here’s where you really have to do your best to own it, which is to say, to take responsibility for managing it so it doesn’t make a mess in your life and in the lives of others around you. The sooner you can identify your changes in energy stare, the better. But the hard part is doing something about it.
Forcing yourself to think differently is a solution that could work for some people, for some types of patterns, and after a certain amount of practice. Other times it backfires. Sometimes a walk or exercise can help reset your energy. Other times you might be able to take a deep breathe, focus on what you know to be real, keeping your biases in mind, and try to investigate a situation without expectations. This tactic requires a good deal of honesty and self-discipline.
In the end, it takes experimentation, effort, self-discipline, a lot of honesty, a lot of in-the-moment awareness of what’s happening, kindness, and maturity. The good news is that in my experience, all of these things grow naturally the more you practice. Don’t give up. You never know when you’ll have a breakthrough.
